Regressions
A personal story from me, a mom of 3…
Last fall in 2024, our beautiful baby girl Orli was born. She is our third, our sweet little love, so calm and chill (until bedtime that is!) and man has it been the most wonderful roller coaster of our lives! During this hectic time towards the end of my pregnancy, I started noticing that my middle daughter who had just turned 4, was having trouble with getting to the potty on time. I knew we were in for a huge change with baby sister coming, and wanted to make sure that both my older daughters felt supported.
For my middle daughter, the accidents came and went starting at the end of my pregnancy and going through the entire winter and spring. We went back to overnight pull ups at nighttime, accidents at preschool, high anxiety for me while traveling, and it was like we were thrown back into the year prior. I was so exhausted from the new baby, and juggling being a mom of three, managing our lives, and trying to run my business on top of it all. Everything felt like a mountain, and this was just one more thing. I felt like a failure. I knew my daughter was so clearly trying to tell me that she was struggling with all of the changes; starting Pre-K at a new school, and adjusting to having a “new” baby around. I tried to do the best I could, and meet her where she was at, but it was hard! I spoke to our pediatrician who reassured me this was all too predictable and normal (those who can’t take their own advice like myself need to hear it from others right?), and she advised me to continue “meeting her where she was at,” and that things would get better with time.
Well, she was right. It was hard to wait it all out, and though each accident felt like a step backward, I tried to keep both of our spirits up. I stayed consistent, helped her with new routines, and encouraged her to believe that she could do it. We enforced routines of going potty at school upon drop off and pick up. We talked about trying to recognize the feeling before “it was an emergency” and stopping to go to the bathroom. I rewarded her with prizes and special experiences for doing this and helped make her feel like she had small, real accomplishments along the way. And eventually we got through it. We discovered that a big part of the accidents was this feeling of FOMO for my daughter, she didn’t want to stop what she was doing to go to the bathroom, she didn’t want to miss out on anything! Another part of it was the attention she was getting from the accidents. Any attention, positive or negative shows that child that the action they are doing is getting a reaction. When she would have an accident, I would give her a reaction. It’s so hard not to! So that was a lot of practice on my part to be calm and level with accidents, no matter the mess or inconvenience.
My daughter’s accidents have stopped for the most part. Occasionally after a long day, or a sickness, we still have one. But we are prepared. We know that during those times, I try to help her by waking her at night to go do a “dream pee” and that has helped a lot. We try to spend one on one time together when we can, even if just for 15 minutes and play, talk, and I always reassure her how proud I am of her. We also limit water intake to stopping at dinner time and that has also made a huge difference.
The point is, I am sharing this story because this morning at the check out line of the grocery store, I heard a woman telling a customer that her 6 year old boy was back in pull ups at night and that they were struggling with potty regressions. She looked distraught and I just wanted to hug her and tell her that it was going to be ok! There is no shame in it, it is all so normal, yet sometimes it can feel isolating, and we can feel ashamed when we feel alone in it. Yes, once in a while there is that parent who’s kid gets it the first time and doesn’t struggle! And that in itself is pretty spectacular. But for the rest of us, you are not alone. And the fact that you’re trying to help and not throw in the towel, well … you’re doing great. Truly.